CHRISTMAS EVE

"Christmas waves a magic wand over this world, and behold, everything is softer and more beautiful."

It's never really been any day special to me. Christmas was one of those days where my brother, my sister, and I would hope that the people who gave out donated toys wouldn't forget about us. My "mom" would sit on the couch & act as if she didn't care about how we felt or what went on in our heads. Why would you let your kids feel as if they were alone & that there was no one out there to save them? I'm not gonna let any of my kids feel that way again because I know how horrible it is to feel that way. I still wonder how did I grow up, not hating her? I always came back to elementary, middle, and high school with nothing new or no exciting family stories like the other kids. I'd be embarrassed most years and spend Christmas with one of my "friends", but that never worked out as good because no one understood what I was going through. I mean it isn't normal, but I thought that people would at least care to listen. I do remember maybe 2 or 3 Christmas's where my school & a charity gave us tons of toys and the looks my brother & sister had on their faces. I can say that each Christmas in the past was a learning lesson today. But, Christmas is about giving & that's one thing I've never stopped loving! So here's some advice, 

"Appreciate & Love Everything." -Cole

(Please feel free to comment your view/opinion)

LONELY

"The time you feel lonely is the time you most need to be by yourself."

It's not being alone that I hate. It's the fact that sometimes you really have to be alone in order to move forward in the world. I don't have any friends, but I do have EXACTLY 2 people who I contact once or twice a week (if they answer). They aren't even friends, they're people who I met, had an interest in, & they kinda stuck around. The reason I don't have any friends or a girlfriend is because I don't want anyone around while I'm going through this & most people just never have the time to listen to 2 words I have to say. The reason for getting into a relationship is because you believe that the person will treat you just as well as you treat them. (I guess it's just me) I don't talk much, but the few words I do have to say should mean something. It's kinda like I feel as if I'm an OUTCAST to the world & no one will ever understand why I operate or act a certain way. I like daydreaming alone, while I'm sitting along the river. Or roaming the streets in my small city. Or even listening to music that gets me to reminisce on certain things. The point that I'm trying to get to here is "Sometimes, it's good to like being alone...At least you know that there's someone out there you can trust." -Cole

(Please feel free to comment your view/opinion below)

HATERS

''Haters never win. I just think that's true about life, because negative energy always costs in the end.''

The ones that smile in your face, but despise you secretly. Or the ones that tell you to give up because it's to hard. Or the ones who tell you that you'll never amount to anything. Or the people who pretend to care for you, but disappear when you really need em! I think that everyone gets the idea lol I don't really pay attention to the people who aren't included in my day to day life. I mean yeah, I love my family, but most of them can be secretly haters. I try to keep my circle small, trust nobody, & don't expect much from others. (because no one owes you) I keep to myself & I don't let the actions of others interfere with what I do. I GIVE because I love making other lives better in every way I can & I'm not gonna stop for anyone (even if someone betrays me), I SMILE because it lets me know that everything's alright & it reminds me why I do this, I LOVE because it's one of the only things in life that are real & I believe that depending on how you use, determines where you go once we pass away, & I DON'T HATE because it ruins you & there's nothing to gain by hating someone else. ''You can let the haters HATE, but don't let them control'' -Cole

(Please feel free to express your view/opinion on the topic below)

DREAMS

''A dream doesn't become reality through magic; it takes sweat, determination and hard work.''

It's the only way to receive what I believe to be true happiness. When I was in school most of my teachers were unhappy, but made it seem like it was okay for you to give up on your dream or settle for something less. They always say ''make sure you have a backup plan'' & I always asked ''What if this is what makes me happy?'' there was never an answer; always another excuse for giving up. I don't believe in going into something just for the money or material possession. In order to be extremely successful is to focus intensely on ONE specific goal or task & work insanely to complete it! Don't give up on what you love, because nothing else is going to give you that same feeling. I like to day-dream, meet new people, write blog post, come up with ideas, the benefits of working hard, and make my loved ones smile. I feel that through writing I can do all of each & will continue to do so. The art of storytelling excites me. I love helping out others & I know that if one day I were to make it BIG in the profession that I'll show how much I love & care for others & the less fortunate. 

(Please feel free to express your opinion or view on the topic below)

Nick & Norah's Infinite Playlist

“I always think of each night as a song. Or each moment as a song. But now I'm seeing we don't live in a single song. We move from song to song, from lyric to lyric, from chord to chord. There is no ending here. It's an infinite playlist.” 

I love reading because of the unique experience  you get. That moment when you finish a book, look around, and realize that everyone around you is carrying on with their lives as though you didn't just experience emotional trauma at the hands of a paperback. It's like you're entering someone else's world, while going through a learning experience also. The reason I believe that I'm obsessed with love stories is because it gives a feeling that nothing else does. Love is something that most don't experience as much or have less knowledge about. I connect with love stories because that's a moment I've longed for since I can remember. "The feeling of being in love"  - Cole

 (If you have any inputs, please let me know what you think)

Bad Day

¨There's nothing wrong or evil about having a bad day. There's everything wrong with making others have it with you.¨

There are some days I feel as if no one cares & that if I died today no one would even notice. Then those other days I know that it may be true. But, no matter what may be true or a lie, I continue to do what I believe is best for me & those whom I care about. & just because someone makes me feel a certain way or does something horrible to me doesn't mean that I quit caring or lose love for them. My heart is weird & doesn't seem to let go of the people who should be here for me. I read & write just about everyday because it's what keeps my head straight & makes me feel better. I don't like it when people judge me or make assumptions because of how I view something. Like seriously, I'm only human, just like everyone else. Therefore, I do as I please and I don't listen to someone because that doesn't take the time to listen to me. Sorry Guys, but today is one of those days where I'm feeling emotional towards certain things lol & I was listening to Bad Day by Justin Bieber I love you all for reading this post :D <3...

Reflective Tuesday

¨I see myself as an intelligent, sensitive human, with the soul of a clown which forces me to blow it at the most important moments.¨

The past few months I've been experiencing what I believe to be the most important moments of my life. I'm not saying that the days are fun & exciting. But, I'm figuring out where it is I want to be & who is it that I want to be in this world. Who am I? What are my values? What is it that I stand for? Making the decision to choose 1 area & focus intensely towards accomplishing that ONE specific goal. No matter what goes on, who likes it, or what others think. I'm tired of spending my days listening to people that I don't want to be like. Or even working for someone & having them decide how much they'll pay & when I'll work. I want to feel free, make my own choices, & do what I love. I know that if I continue with what I love, one day I'll be able to find a way to live the lifestyle in which I'm fascinated by. Maybe I'm wrong with my perspective, If you believe so. please comment & let me know...

Poverty

¨Being unwanted, unloved, uncared for, forgotten by everybody; I think that is a much greater hunger, a much greater poverty than the person who has nothing to eat ¨

I remember those long nights as a kid when I used to hope that this would be the last day that I'd hear gunshots or about someone dying. It was weird because I lived in a house filled with people, but I always felt as if I was alone, you know? No one asked if I was okay or told me that everything would be alright. Even when there were no lights, gas, food or electric. I mean I didn't ask to be here, so why should I have to suffer for someone else's mistakes? They said that if you just pray to ''god'' that everything would be alright. But the more I prayed, the more things got worse... I guess that was a sign. That may be the reason why I care so much for the subject or why I want to make it out of here so bad! There are long cold nights, the days are lonely, & the ones that are supposed to care for you are no where to be found. Why me? What did I do to deserve this? I didn't ask to be here! But, I might as well continue to connect with what I love while I'm here.... -Cole

Love & Lust

¨If they substituted the word 'Lust' for 'Love' in the popular songs it would come nearer the truth.¨

 LOVE is something you know for sure! I have been in love once, a special girl from middle school (we're still good friends). There's no second guessing and it's pretty hard to let go of that feeling. People should learn the value of this word before saying it. True Love never dies (maybe fades away), it bonds for a lifetime, it's attached, pure, sweet, kind, committed, caring, attractive and bonding. 

LUST is all about sexual attraction and will kill any relationship. I've lusted a girl before, I thought that we were in love, but the only thing I really loved about her was the way she kissed me & how she was in bed (good thing I'm not like that anymore). Now look to build a friendship first & everything else comes next..I got the idea from liddorican on instagram. 

¨I believe that most people get the two confused and that's how promises & hearts are broken.¨  -Cole

GettingPersonalWithCole

¨People instantly assume you can't have a platonic friendship with someone of the opposite sex. I think this may be specific to L.A. - or America¨

People instantly assume that you can't have a platonic relationship with the opposite sex, but I don't believe that it comes close to the truth. I feel that first we should get to know each other and we become friends FIRST because if we aren't friends...how will we communicate? Sex and looks have nothing to do with a relationship because if one day I have cancer and I'm 85 yrs old, I expect for you to be there. ¨I'm pretty intense when it comes to relationships, platonic ones as well. If I feel a connection with someone, I'm willing to go there.¨ -Cole

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#Suicide

¨Suicide doesn't kill people....Sadness does.¨

I remember the days I wanted to die. No one paid attention to me, no one cared, and there was no reason for me to be here. No one would've known why I did it because I didn't talk much and I always seemed to be happy. But, then I had to think about what it is that I'm giving up. Killing myself is something that is permanent and there's no coming back. I started to dream about the person I TRULY wanted to become and that I'll put the rest of my energy into becoming that person! If they didn't love me before, once I get to where I'm headed I know for a fact that they will then...Nothing is easy though. It still runs across my mind, but my dreams are more important and I'm not doing this just for me!

¨If you know people who are suicidal, or if you know people who are bipolar, depressed, have panic attack disorder, just be there for them. They're going through something that's very, very hard.¨ -Cole

(feel free to follow my blog with your email or comment as you please)

#BeYourself

"To be yourself, you must help yourself. Be the best you can be. When you make a mistake, learn from it, pick yourself up and move on."

No one can tell you who you are or who you're supposed to be! I had to learn it the hard way..it eventually cost me a lot, but o well. Being yourself is when you express how you feel about something, despite the odds or other opinions. Having the guts to chase your dreams and create whoever it is you want to be is being yourself and no one can take it from you. -Cole

#MusicWithCole

''I like the idea of doing something that everyone never really paid attention to..''

I love the fact that I can make a career based of my personal life & discussing with the world how I feel towards things. Lorde is an AMAZING musician and I love her pure heroine album! When I'm listening to music I look for a certain connection and feeling with the artist. Music should make you think...I tend to daydream while listening to music because it's the only way for me to relax lol.  "No one really paid attention to how quiet and wise I was (or still am), so I write about it & hope that the world notices how informative I can be." -Cole

Relationships

"If you truly love someone, then they never leave your heart....only your side. <3"

I don't care about how great the sex is, how good she looks, or how much money she has! I look for someone who can be my FRIEND first! Everything else comes afterwards. I love it when I can sit around and talk to someone about anything and knowing that they're listening. When it comes to a relationship I love getting to know someone, finding out why they act the way they do, what they like, or even how different they seem to be once you pay attention. I'm quiet in public, but if you get in a room with just us 2...I'll talk your ear off!!! lol But yeah guys, when you're getting to know someone don't be too quick to talk. That's how problems start...Just pay attention and listen. When you're angry at her/him just sit back (DON'T TALK), let your thoughts pass, analyze the problem & figure out if the problem is even worth talking about. Let her know how you feel by what you do (not what you say). ''The best thing in life to me is friendship, nothing more.'' -Cole

(anyone comment/share your opinions & let me know if there's a topic that you'd like for me to discuss.)

Beauty

''

''Everything has beauty, but not everyone sees it.''

I don't believe that you have to look a certain way in order to be beautiful. I believe that the most important beauty comes from within. In a relationship/friendship their physical appearance isn't important because all of it fades...What matters is the person that lies within. I love it most when someone can make me smile, bring me up, laugh, and just have a good time without worrying about what the person looks like or what clothes they wear. "Nothing else matters if you can't make me smile" -Cole

(anyone can comment/share your opinion below... )

Share your secrets

I got a girl pregnat at the age of 15, I lost my virginity at 14, I've been lost ever since my sister passed 11 yrs ago, I've been in love once (I think)....Oh I have this weird fantasy that one day I'll marry Nicki Minaj lol...I know it maybe a little TMI, but o well. I wanna know at least one of your deepest darkest secrets.. "It felt weird telling the world things that I'v never discussed to anyone, you should try it." -Cole

Free Yourself

"Sometimes you just have to die a little inside to be reborn and rise again as a stronger and wiser version of you."

Be creative and always follow your heart. Don't let ANYONE tell you that you CAN'T or SHOULDN'T do something. You're an individual, so therefore you have the right to your OWN opinion and decisions...If you know that within your heart of hearts that it's for you, why not give it a shot? -Cole

Here's To The Past

Here's to the past..... I'm not sorry for leaving you where you are! There's this dream that you're getting in the way of and I want it BAD! So, therefore I'm going to have to leave you here and move forward with my life.  

Who has #MidnightMemories? & What do you guys think of it?

The #OneDirection #MidnightMemories album was pretty cool. One direction isn't my favorite band, but they're music is good and I've followed them since the X factor. My favorite song on the album would have to be ''Story of My Life''What about you guys? If you don't have it yet, please go get it!! Also, you can click on the image to hear the FULL album. 

(feel free to comment and/or follow the blog at the top or the page)

What do you guys think of Drake's #NWTS ablum?

Honestly, I'm saying this just because he's my favorite rapper, but it's pretty amazing if you ask me. I love when artist use emotion and real-life experiences throughout their music. He does it with every album and I can actually play this one without skipping any tracks...(please feel free to comment/share your opinion also)

PERSONAl FAVORITES

Favorite rapper: Drake...

Favorite Band: fun, falloutboy, the nhbd

Favorite food: pizza, chocolate, candy, junk food

Favorite color: black&white

Favorite t.v show: I hate television! (I watch it sometimes)

Favorite Actor: Will Smith

Favorite Actress: Zoe Saldana

Favorite Movie: Colombiana, Seven Pounds, Pursuit of Happiness

Favorite Candy: Twix, Reese's, (anything with chocolate & peanut butter)

Favorite Holiday: Christmas (even though i never get anything)

(Feel free to comment & share your own! :)

random

Something that I wrote a while back..

Not even hAlf of it...

Uummm.... my name's Cole, I haven't seen my dad in about 10 yrs, my mom loves to drink alcohol and blame her personal problems on everyone else; So I dont really know what it's like to have a mom, my sister passed away when I was 8 yrs olD, my grandparents are drug attics, my older brother is in prison (he also got shot while he was in my arms 1 yr ago), I've been supporting myself since the day I was born, I've been to the juvenile detention center (at least 3 times), used to get bullied in elementary school, never really had friends, it's been a while since I've heard from my parents (around 3 months), I got one girl pregnant at 15, another at 18, uummm this isn't even half of it. But on a positive I'm not old, not too young, I love night and i don't sleep. An idealist, dreamer, I day-dream a lot, I love & highly respect women, I'm pretty wise, an excellent listener, reader, documentaries are informing, I've learned from my mistakes, oh & I have this weird dream that one day the WORLD will know my story and I'll be helping people all over the WORLD by giving them my advice from my experience! Trust me, I've experience wayy tooo much and I'm pretty educated! What about you? You can comment, tweet, or facebook message any questions and I promise to give you HONEST answers! (advice, informing, & random conversations)  #ColeColumn :D -Cole